And We Know…

Since December, when my husband was terminated from his job, I had become the only working adult and breadwinner in our family. In the past month, I was starting to become physically weary and had shared with God how I would like to take a period off from having to work, but feel the pressure of having to financially provide. I knew my body was needing rest. I also wanted to not let my focus as a mother to my daughters get away from me. I decided to not work for a couple of weeks next month and the month after, through the holiday season. I told myself that I would trust in God’s provision to cover those periods of lost income. Well, the next day, I was not receiving any scheduled work shifts for the coming Friday, as well as Monday and Tuesday. Any time I see a period where I am not receiving shifts at work, it has coincided with unforeseen circumstances in my life. So by now, I have learned not to panic nor worry, but trust that it’s God’s will and timing. Sure enough, I had an episode of vertigo on Friday. Then my daughter told me late Saturday evening that she was feeling feverish and had a headache. The next day, I tested her for Covid, and it was confirmed positive. My inability to pick up work shifts was again timely. God made the space for me to rest, and then focus on caring after my daughter. I have chosen to not return to work until my daughter’s 10-day isolation period is completed, and she is back in school. Thankfully, the corporation I work for gives paid sick time for parents of children who test positive for Covid, so I am grateful for that provision.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a flood of inspiration. It was as if God was giving me insight into numerous things He had put on my heart and has been calling me towards for the future. There was one word that seemed to be resonating within me – “more”. He wants “more” for me than what I am settling for in this season. I am not the adventurous, take risks, kinda gal, so I tend to tread very carefully, slowly, and safely. But I am sensing God wants me to break new ground for what’s ahead. He even put a name on my heart of someone He wants me to learn from, and when I heard the name, I thought to myself, “Ok, this sounds more like a pipe dream.” This sudden swell of ideas and thoughts came to me by words, pictures, and visions, and they all seemed nice. I would love to be able to work from home (as I loved being a stay-at-home mom), to make enough money to provide for my family doing something that I love and am passionate about, and also spend more time with my daughters before they leave the nest. That would all be a huge blessing to me.  

Then, something inside me led me to check our bank account. My heart began to beat fast as I remembered the last time something told me to check our bank account. I opened up my bank app and saw not only one very large sum deposited, but two very large sums deposited! My eyes began to tear up. The last time a large amount of money was suddenly deposited into our bank account, it was the following morning after I went to bed feeling very discouraged by the mortgage notice I received in the mail. We owed a growing large amount in forbearance and had not been able to pay anything towards it. God told me that night to not worry and that He had it covered. He indeed did, as we received enough to cover what was owed and then some. God wanted me to grow my trust in Him, believing (as it says in Matthew 6:26) that He does provide and does not impoverish His people. God knew the pressure I had been feeling lately as the only working adult in the family. He was reassuring me once again that I could trust Him and in His provision… trust that He knows exactly what’s going on… that He sees my heart… and that He will continue to provide for me and my family. The next day, two letters arrived from the VA. One letter explained that they made an error a year ago by not paying my husband’s pension while he was applying for disability (which was something they required him to waive at the time of application). The other letter said they owed another amount, which is a refund of the down payment and closing costs we made on our current home shortly after our VA loan approval. It’s as if God is making right all the wrongs from the past year, but He is doing it in His perfect timing and ways.

Even when my circumstances appear to be creating a dismal story, I want to continue to choose to hold steadfast to Him, His promises, and His redemption.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28 (NLT)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

The person God put on my heart that He wants me to learn from… that’ll be in my next blog post. 😉